Got up early today, about 3:30, started the coffee, and sat down to watch one of my shows. "Teen Mom" I know, I know, I got hooked watching these stupid girls having a baby at 16, thinking everything was gonna be normal for them. Makes me laugh. Dean woke up and I think he likes it too! It is better than watching Adult Swim cartoons, or Family Guy. Although, I do find myself watching some of Family Guy and some of American Guy when I fall asleep. Anyway, big day yesterday, I cleaned out my chest of drawers and donated about 70 o/o of my stuff. I will make in into my closet today. It is very cleansing. Everyone should try it. Gonna watch "Glee" now, does anyone else like these shows? More later...love you all
Anna

The weekend went bye super fast! First...GREAT TAILGATE on Saturday, just too bad we couldn't hold our early lead. I did tell someone that I would rather beat Ol'Miss if I had to choose. Oh well. Church on Sunday, then a double header for Spencer that afternoon. HOLY COW can that kid hit the ball. If the game were in Fayetteville, they would have gone over two fences. The field they play on is much much bigger. He was so excided that he almost forgot to run. They won both games and I amost got into a fight the second game!! The other team's coaches wife was working the scoreboard. She did not do well, that is what I will say. I sat on the tail gate of our Yucon, with a blanket and coffee, and my hoodie. Last weekend it was 100 degrees and this past weekend was 55. I guess it was too much to ask for it to be pleasant. Just got email from Spencer's coach, we haven't gotten a jersey yet, he wears an adult large and he told me they may not make them in his size but he can wear a SUPERMAN jersey after the hits he got yesterday! Hoping next week we will video tape him and put it on YouTube for all to see. More later...gotta do laundry.

Thursday...one day closer to the weekend. We have a very busy weekend. Tail gate and game against Number 1 Alabama on Saturday, Church and double header baseball bage on Sunday. Hoping it won't rain after Friday. I'm sleeping a little bit better. Not sure why. Only got up once last night, then woke up at 4:30. Spencer is off for the bus already. One down, one to go. Not sure what I want to do today, wish I could go to work. I miss everyone, attendants, scrubs, nurses, doctors, RS people, everyone! If I could name everyone I would but since I am 45 my memory has gone. My husband and boys would like to think and tell me all the time it is because of the tumor, but I think differently. I could be wrong and not know it. SO, I now have a tape recorder so that I can tape conversations and play back what was said that way I won't think I'm going crazy! Have a great day!

Hi everyone! I slept pretty well last night and I made it thru yesterday. I had to go to WRMC to clean out my locker. Didn't think I would make it without having a full breakdown. My badge doesn't work on the old doors I used to go in and there was no parking in the employee lot so I parked in the ER lot. Was crying before I got out of the car. I prayed that I could hold it together. I know it is had to believe because I only worked there about 6 months, but it was my first out-of-house job in 17 years. I loved everyone I worked with. I had a purpose and I did my job well. It was exciting with something new everyday. (a new surgery) I loved to hear the helocopter coming thinking someing would need emergency surgery. Anyway, I brought a big bag, had to have someone let me in to the locker room. I heard voices and thought I would panic. I didn't, I just walked in, put my bag down in front of my locker, then brought the dishes into the lounge that were left at my house from all of the wonderful ladies that made food for us earlier this year...saw Deborah, who gave me a hug and said..."I hear you're coming back!" I told her no, I can't, couldn't get my doctor to sign me off on working. Then...there came the tears, from us both. From them on, it was a waterfall. So I moved quickly to empty out my locker. Had no idea how much crap I had in there till it started coming out. Just a few people came in and saw me. All asked ARE YOU COMING BACK??? HOW GREAT! I had to say no, I can't. Then more tears. so then I moved even faster so that I wouldn't see anyone from my team. I turned in all of my stuff, pager, book, I.D. badge and the lock from my locker. I told Deborah to tell my people goodby and I was out the door. I had made it without a big deal really and boy was I glad. That was so hard I can't tell you. Gotta get coffee, maybe more later today.
Anna

I'm back...got the boys off to school without much trouble. I'm so tired, but have lots to do today. Gonna start cleaning the house, laundry, blah blah blah. I am going to try to go to WRMC and clean out my locker, not sure I can without crying like a baby. We will see and of course I will let you all know. Thank you to my brother for listening yesterday. I was a mess. I can't talk to Dean, because he is sick. I can't talk to the boys because they are boys, so thank you Robert for being there. This weekend will be busy! HOG game vs. BAMA on Saturday, then Spencer has a double-header on Sunday. If it is hot, again, not sure I'm going to Spencer's games. Will let you know. Gonna get started on my chores, I'll do laundry first cause I hate it. I am gratefull I can do it right now.

It's Tuesday morning and I can't sleep!!! Just started the coffee maker because I'm tired of staring at the clock. I guess a lot of people get up at 3:50...right??? Kinda afraid that if I go to bed now, I'll not be able to wake up the boys for school. Yesterday was a bad day for me. It seemed that everything came and hit me in the face. Not being able to go back to work. My benifets lowered big time. Question, can any of you quys feed 4 people on $117.00? I spend that at least once a week. Hold on...getting coffee. I'm back and feel sick. Went to bathroom and thought I was gonna pass out. I'll take abreak and be back later.

Morning, it's Sunday morning bout 7:45 and I have finished the coffee. I watched
"Dear John" this morning....what a good movie. I cryed of course. I'm gonna jump into the shower soon and get ready for church. Spencer played great yesterday, he is a great catcher. And oh so cute! They tied which is better than getting beat to heck last week. After the game, he decides he wants to do Cotillion. Both of my boys need some manners. We have NOTHING for him to wear. It is semi-formal. We don't do semi-formal. I was shocked of how so many moms were jumping to lend us clothing. In California, I don't believe anyone would have done that in fear of not getting their stuff back. Anyway, on our way home, Spencer said..."Dad, can you drive faster, My stomach hurts!" We made it home in time for him to run into the house and have explosive diarrea. Sorry to be so graghic, but it is true. Needless to say he didn't make it to Cotillion for the first night. We were all dehydrated because of the game. It was flippin hot at the game. I, we are so sick of this heat. If I start complaining of the cold weather...someone please remind me of the summer heat. Gonna wake up the boys, maybe more later.

Morning everyone! I had a follow-up apt. with my Oncologist yesterday. He asked me what we want to do....agressive or not. So I want to to do MRI's and more treatment or not. So I will talk to Dean and let him and you all know. Bad news is, he declaired me permanently disabled. So no work for me, I cryed. My sister had a great idea. I should volinteer at the hospital or at a hospice. I'm trying to have faith that this is what is to be and a greater good will come of this. AND my sadness over missing all of the people at WRMC I will miss. It's early and Dean is up with me having coffee and watching TV. We have a game today in Bentonville. Going to enjoy the day. More later, maybe tonight.

Morning, not good morning because I feel like someone beat me up. Very stuffy, headache, and ache like crazy. Not sure if I have a bad cold or maybe Mono. I have an apt. today at 3pm. with Oncologist. I'll let you all know as soon as I do what he says. Going back to bed. Oh....had a great time with my Dad, sister, and two neices for dad's birthday.

Good Morning and a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD!!!!! Not sure he wants me to tell his age, but he acts younger than I am sometimes. Ok, I have a problem. I can't remember crap!!! Don't know if I have plans with Becky today or is it tomorrow? I've started writing everything down AND I have a small recorder to record conversations with family so they might stop looking at me like I'm crazy because I can't remember if they are grounded or not or if I said NO, you can't drive to somewhere far away for a concert. I'm just hoping to not make a REALLY big mistake and forget something really important. I'll let you know if I make a huge booboo.

Well guys, I think I spoke too soon. After talking to Dean yesterday about going back to work....we decided that it would be better if I don't go back right now. I'm really sad BUT I needed to put my selfishness aside (hard to believe, right Bill) and not go back right now. I miss Everying There, like you have no idea. BUT I HAVE TO THINK OF MY FAMILY FIRST AND NOT MYSELF. My sister had a great idea, I might volunteer at H.O.G. or at a Hospice. Not sure where but I'll let you know as soon as I do!

I'm back! Ok, so I went to my old department, right when I walked thru the doors, I was so excited just to be there. I went in thru the locker room and then into the lounge. All the people that were there were excited to see me and it made me feel so good you have no idea. I talked to my old boss and she said as long as I get cleared from a doctor, I can come back!!! I also need to do my "netlearning" on the computer at home which won't take me too long. My CPR is current and so is my TB test. I was shocked to find out that several people that I used to work with are no longer working there! A few I was glad to hear that they were gone, and a few not so glad. Oh well. It was so great to see Paula, Carol, Sara, and everyone else. I must say that there is one that still intimidates me. Not sure why, but I always end up saying something stupid to her, I'll work on it.
Now to Dean, bless his heart, he has been sick. come to find out, he has Mono. Poor thing...he knew something was wrong because he has been wiped out and now a terrible cough. Even though I was so tired yesterday, I wanted to take care of him because I love him and because he has taken care of me countless times. I just don't think I'm very good at it, but I do try. So please say a little prayer for him to recover soon. Thanks!
Now to the new addition...Tinker, or should I call her Stinker! She has brought fleas into our home and to our other dogs. Gross! AND she can climb on chairs to get to food! She is so much smaller that our other 2 dogs that I'm afraid to spank her like I do Mack because he is a hause. Anyway, I think that makes everyone up to date. Thanks for listening and reading!
Anna

Yesterday was a long day. I'm still tired. and yes, it is 3:34 am. I can't remember what I said in last posting about my job. But I'm sure all of you know that I loved working at WRMC in the OR. I loved all of the people that I worked with. (well, there was one or two I could do without) LOL Dean got a call on Friday while I was at the store. He was told that my job was going to be given away. I was sooooo upset, you have no idea. So! I went to HR Monday morning, and was told they haven't hired anyone yet. I was told to talk to my supervisor, I did, with my fingers crossed. Need more coffee, so I'll post again in a few minutes.

Good Morning! Got up at 3am BUT Dean got up with me, so I had a coffee buddy. We watched a movie, not great. Both boys are gone to school. Dean is sleeping. Zachary has an apt. with a surgeon today to get his wisdom teeth taken out. We are gonna try to make apt. for Thanksgiving so he won't miss too much school. Guess I will do some laundry today. I don't mind washing and drying, it's the putting it away that I seem to not be good at. I just need to remind myself that just a few months ago I was hoping and wishing for normal stuff. Ok, I promise not to complain about my chores. Not really, I will probably complain. Phych! LOL More later people!

Good morning everyone! First of all, thanks to all of you who leave comments about my posts. (Melanie, Robert, Eva) Ok brother...duh...don't take a nap....can't help it if I fall asleep sitting up, then lean over and end up sleeping for a while. Think you're being a smart ***. If I could smack you I would. Next time you are up here, I will. It's very early here, and I've been up for almost 2 hours. We went to Bentonville yesterday for Spencer's baseball games. He had a double header. The team won the first game!!! But we are thinking they gave up in the second game. The other team got some runs and we just gave up and started making LOTS of errors. Anyway, I have become THAT MOM that yells and screams at every questionable call. Not sure it is good idea that I go anymore. Gonna ask Spencer if my yelling bothers him. Well, that's all I got today, OH.....forgot....I did see someone from work the otherday, Gina! After she left, I cryed. My work called me and they are giving my shift away. So I no longer have a job to go back to. I loved my job and all the people I worked with. Oh well, guess this is supposed to happen. Not sure why, but there it is. I'm gonna go see HR on Monday to see what is up or not with my insurance. I'll let you know on Monday! Love you all and thanks for the support!
Anna

Ok, here is my problem now....I can't flippin sleep! Gonna look into bio-identical-hormomes. I had a hysterectomy in Dec. of 08 but I'm have HOT fLASHES LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE. I'M YELLING AT EVERYONE AND BEING MORE SELFISH THAN USUAL! IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT. Before I go to bed, I make sure there are at least 3 icepacks in the freezer, one for my back, one for my chest, and one for my head. My other sleeping meds were Lorazapam, which I'm told is pretty strong. Then they stopped working. Went to see my doc, but saw the A.P.N. instead. She gave me Trazadone, which did work for the first 2 nights. Then it quit working. I would wake up every 30 minutes, maybe 45 if I was lucky. So if the clock said ANYTHING close to 4am (which is when I used to get up) I would just say.."forget it, I"m getting up" Then start my daily routine. BUT I would fall asleep on the couch sitting up my 10am. So being without sleep for days...I took 3 Lorazapam (1.5mg.) and slept for 4 hours straight that night, which it a big deal for me. For those of you that can sleep, more power to ya! I called my doc and the HOG clinic (Highlands oncology clinic) couldn't get him so I talked to the PRN again. She said OH NO...YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT MANY, YOU MIGHT BECOME ADDICTED! She said to take up to 3 Trazadone, I would feel "hungover" in the morning and have cotton mouth but should work. SHOULD being the operative word. Well, I said, "I'm telling you what works for me and you don't want me to become addicted? What's it gonna do ....kill me? LOL Sorry, I had to say it. Oh well, that all of my rants for now...it is almost 11am, time for a nap. If anyone has advise for sleeping, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!! Have a wonderful day. OMG I almost forgot....weather is nice now, not so hot you can't breath.
Love to all,
Anna

Wow guys, sorry I haven't written in a while. I was busy last week, I think? LOL We had our first tailgate on Saturday...GO HOGS GO!!! Not quite sure I ever seen so many people. It is open bar and free food and I do believe that we had alot of walk-ins from the street saying "wow, this looks fun, let's go see" Once they figured it out that the food and booze was free, why go anywhere else? There were a ton of people I have never seen before. Lots of wasted people too, the older I get, the more I dislike drunk people. I did have two beers but didn't get drunk. The food was outstanding. I has 4 desserts. Not sure what it was, but it was fantastic! I lasted until the middle of the third quarter, then went to the car where my pillow was waiting and waited for Dean and Spencer to come back from the game. And YES!!! I did make it to church Sunday...we were even early. Great message as usual. Ok...still haven't figured out what is wrong with my computer, so before it all gets errased, I'm gonna post it. Then come back and write some more.